Confessions of a Fairweather Blogger...

Hi all. Lesley here.

I have finally made time to write to all of you.

I have no problem admitting that I am a fairweather runner. In Canada, if it was too early in the day, it was too cold; if it was too late, it was too dark, or I was too tired. HEre in Cambodia, it's even worse. It's always too hot, unless you get up at 4 or 5 in the morning. I just can't keep that up. I't dark at 6pm every day, all year long, so running after the school day, means either just before or just after the supper hour, and I'm either too hot, too tired, too hungry, too full, or just plain old too lazy to do it. Plus, there's nowhere "nice" to run, people are always staring at me, or I have to say hello to about a hundred people along the way, as if I'm in the world's shortest, white-woman-amongst-thousands-of-cambodians-marathon, and in lieu of them cheering me on, they just stare, so I wave and say hello. The kids always yell out, "what is yo nam???" Running here, for me, takes alot of mental energy.

Well, that is also precicely how it's been for me to start this year back in Cambodia. I haven't posted a blog lately, not so much because of a few technical difficulties with our home comoputer, nor the fact that it's been a good busy getting back into work and school. But mostly, it's because I think I'm a fairweather blogger. When things are going well, oooh, aahhh, I'm funny, love to tell the crazy stories, brag about the kids, even the "great efforts" going on at the school. But when things are a bit harder, like they have been for me personally this year, i just tend to make excuses and not bother to share or connect with loved ones. I think it's a little like hiding.

I do this in my prayer life too. While others fall on their knees even moreso during times of trial, I tend to find it easier to talk to GOd when I'm in a good space. I can connect with Him from my end, alot better, and everything makes sense. But when the going gets troublesome, for whatever reasons (big or small), I tend to back off, and fatalistically convince myself that, "ah, what's the big deal. God knows everything anyways--he'll work it all out in the end." And I don't confide in Him the way I should.

So, Coming back to Cambodia this year was a bit hard, not for reasons that may seem obvious or reasonable to others. For me, it was a coming back to my place of comfort. Seriously. Here, I know who I am and what I am doing, and back in Canada over the summer, between all the visiting and reconnecting, I just find I sort of get lost again. It's weird (can anyone relate to this?) I have to come back to the safety of Phnom PEnh, my home, having my family all to myself, (selfish, I know), the wonderful community of staff and friends and families at Logos, where I can pray openly, share my faith without hesitation, live freely. Even physically, it doesn't matter what you wear out here really. Most are happy to just have clothes. I can relate to that, I resonate so much with life out here, the necessity to survive amongst needing so little. It makes sense to me.

Ironic, isn't it, that in a place where most consider life here challenging or difficult in various ways, I find comfort.

So that makes me think that in returning to Cambodia, I am running away from some of the difficulties and challenges I face spiritually in Canada, in relationships with others, in the lifestyle that exists there. I am h i d i n g in my life here. SO then, I start to feel guilty: Being an international worker in a missions context, shouldn't I be so strong in my faith, that I can handle the pressures any situation, and not need to run screaming to my "comfort zone" in order to function??? Negative, untrue thinking produces poor fruit. I am at least aware of this, even if I cannot control it yet. Maybe I've just been thinking too much, lately.:)

So, if you're looking for fairweather, funny stories of cambodia since returning, yes, I have a few. WE had a rat living in our car engine when we returned from the summer. When I'd asked Dean why the rat was still there, he commented that he was glad it was there, and at least not in the trunk. (?) (Why not just get rid of it??) Then I found a gecko in my cracker container, staring up at me with beady eyes when I went for a snack. Last weekend, we killed a mini tarantula in our house, and these suckers are huge! Way too big for a spider. That was gross. ANd since it's rainy season, there's been a lovely assortment of flood-type stories, rain that comes down in such droves, it soaks our school gym floor. We always have a big lake on the road right outside our house gate, as a new house that went up has blocked our previous drainage pattern. I have to choose different routes to pick up the girls sometimes, to avoid driving through a foot of water.

If it's sad stories you're looking for, I've got those, too. Since we have returned, our wonderful househelper Sokhom, has been unable to work, due to the diagnosis of glaucoma in her eyes, and the inability of her to open them regularily. Many of you will know this, but you don't know that I went to visit her last Sunday at her home, and in a word, it's a very bad situation.

I've always been very afraid to see her home, as I've always expected it is one of those shacks like I see in poor areas, and I was right. at 60 years old, she walks down a narrow corridor between walls of other homes, she has to climb 7 or 8 stairs of a very steep ladder, (one of the wrungs of which is broken) to get into her 2 room home. Wood and corrugated steel walls, wood floor, a 5 by 8 kitchen with a stove, and a larger bedroom, with her bed, a fan, a tv, and another bed that was sleeping her (good for nothing) son that I don't think is helping her very much. Clothes, mess, an unuseable sewing maching siting there, old medicine, a rice cooker. Pretty much, that is her life. She seems to be laying around alot, because what can you do when you can't see??? There is no government help or agencies or aid to give her training or education on living blind. The medicines and doctors, to our knowledge, have not been that helpful and have completely wiped her out of any cash she may have had. I asked her what she needed, and she said money. TO pay her electric bill. A niece comes once and a while to cook a bit for her and help her. She is the only christian in her buddhist family, and she goes to church and they pray for healing on her eyes, yet no healing yet. It is so, so sad. We have to help her, and we will, in whatever ways we can. WE prayed and cryed together. I miss her in our home, taking care of us.

And if it's unbelievable-but-true-cambodia stories you're after, I have that for you on this blog as well. 2 weeks ago, Dean came home from school on a Friday earlier than I, to find our entire street was loaded with police and military, and they were spray painting measurement marks all over everyone's nicely painted concrete fences and gates. I came home a bit later to see all the red number markings and immediately assumed they would be paving our road. However, what I found out is unreal. Our landlord and other neighbors were all out talking. As it turns out, the powers that be were there to tell everyone yes, they're going to fix the road, but that they're going to widen it to a 20 metre road, which means the whole lot of landowners on our side of the street, are going to lose up to 10 metres of their current propery on the front of their houses, to make way for the road! Just like that.

Seriously, the proposal is to bulldoze whatever of the homes that they need to widen and put in this road. Dara, our landlord, stands to lose 7.2 metres off the front of the house, which is almost the entire front gate and carpark. Basically, the road will begin about 2 steps outside our front door. Yes, they told Dara he can have the 35 metres deep of property that he owns, but that he can just add what they take off the front, onto the back. THe back is a lake. (Maybe he'll build a dock to park his car!) It's really unbelievable.

So, for us it's not such a big deal, because the SECOND they start actual construction, we are out of here and moving. I am not living through that. But what a bout all these poor landowners?? What can they do? There is no city planning to speak of, just post-planning, and they take what land they want, when they want it. It just seems so unfair. Dara said it won't happen for a long time, that there is no money. He's going to go to the meetings. We are praying against the road going through like that. TIme will tell.

So I guess, overall, it really has been a good, eventful start to the school year and to our return for our third year. Still, my apologies for not connecting until now, until things got a little more "fairweather" in my head. I know there are many of you out there that care about us regardless of how I "feel" and appreciate the regular updates we post. And maybe I just needed to give myself some grace and get settled in. Ok. (Good thing God is not like people. Whew....)

ANyways, here's to regular writing, regular connecting to you all, regular updating on the stories of our time out here, and hopefully hearing from you too. THere is still never a dull moment, and we cherish your prayers as we continue to be a part of building Logos, building Christian education here in Cambodia, loving kids with the love of Christ that He puts in us for these precious souls, and parenting our wonderful brood. (This past weekend, between sleepovers and playdates, we added an extra 4 females to our household, and let me tell ya, Dean feels pretty outnumbered. )

Fairweather or not, God is ALWAYS good, He is ALWAYS loving us, and ALWAYS helping us. "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever: his faithfulness continues through all generations." (Psalm 100:5) Amen to TRUTH!

Thanks everyone, for loving us and staying with us through thick and thin, Love yous all lots, too. Take care and write us when you can.
L
:)

PS. Many of you are now back at school, and we wish you all the best for your school year!