The dreaded 'Checking Out'

Well I am writing on the blog after I have found a bit of time here. I am always glad when Les gets a chance to write the goings-on of life here in Cambodia and to give you a glimpse of life in a 3rd world country. For the first time, I can honestly say I have thought about home and the return to Canada.
Around here the dreaded fear of thinking about home is called 'checking out'. 'Checking out' means you disengage from your host country and spend time thinking about the future somewhere else. Then as a defense mechanism start to break-ties to the host Country and people in order to make leaving less painful.
I really have made a commitment not to 'check out' and to go/work hard until the term ends, and for the most part I am really busy so that shouldn't be an issue. But surprisingly in the last day or so I found myself thinking about what life would be like when we all return to Canada this summer. I don't like it because in many ways it seems very murky.

Now moving from one country to another is going to provide a large level of stress for anyone- and we will be no exception to this- a very uncomfortable feeling I don't enjoy. The decision to leave Cambodia has not been an easy one. Certainly a large part of returning to Canada is based on the fact that we had arranged ourselves to be away for only a 'short' time. A longer option to stay in Cambodia, although we would have considered it, is certainly not how we set ourselves out three years ago.
Now when I talk about 'short' term, three years is short but it ain't THAT short. Three years is plenty of time to lose a sense of the goings-on in Canada. So the feelings of moving back to Canada are also really muddled with anxiety about integrating to the culture of Canadian life and with what we have enjoyed and will miss about Cambodian life. In many ways I have a sense that I am moving to a new country where I don't understand why certain things are valued or done. Also things that I once thought were so important won't/don't seem to have the same value when placed in a global perspective. On the plus side though, returning to Canada provides a language ease, conveniences, and a reunion of great people and friends. Of course 'Wendy's, Tim Horton's, etc...'

The plan at this time is to return to BC and allow our kids to go to the school we once promised they could return to when we came back from Cambodia. I have a position at MEI and I have always been so thankful to the MEI board for their appreciation of missions and allowing our family to go to Cambodia for the time we have.

Our housing is uncertain at this time, and I am not sure when we will really get a chance to deal with this. However, once a home is established this may create a sense of 'home'?

I humbly write to you all and ask for your continued prayers. In certain ways I fear the return to Canada may be more challenging than when we first set out for a third world country like Cambodia. However, many of you have been such a complete blessing to us, whether through email, packages, prayers, or donation- may God bless you richly for the way you have helped journey with us here in Cambodia. We look forward to reuniting with you soon.

Blessings,
Dean